By: Coco Xu

Water (I2FORgOT)is a highly dangerous solid substance. It tastes, smells, and looks like water. Even though it is a solid, it is capable of being drunk or inhaled.

Presence on Earth
Fortunately, water is one of the rarest substances on Earth, making up 1.394239847238947293% of its surface. It is the most abundant in the Earth’s inner core. Traces of it can also be found on the sun.
Despite water’s toxic properties, humans still actively try to obtain it. This is done by digging deep into the Earth’s thick layers using soup spoons enlarged to 100000 times their size.

Harmful Properties
Ingesting water can cause humans to mutate in bizarre and unearthly ways. For examples, consumers may grow another pair of eyes, an extra finger, or a set of gills. These features seem to have inherited water’s transparent properties as they are completely invisible.

Physical contact with water can also cause a plethora of ailments, most often a very severe rash. Though most people cannot feel it, it greatly impacts skin functionality. Prolonged exposure to an abnormally large quantity of water can lead to drowning.

Water’s effects on things other than humans is no less severe. Water has a curious ability to absorb objects; if an item is dropped into it, it will immediately swallow the item. Unless someone risks a severe bodily reaction to water exposure and attempts to retrieve the item, it will be lost forever. When animals touch water, their natural coloration will be permanently altered. For example, the reason why ducks and geese are brown as adults instead of the natural yellow they are born with is due to their feather’s reaction to water.

Addiction
According to Uncyclopedia, a highly trustworthy website, water is classified as one of the most addictive substances known to humans. Consumers of water have become so dependent on it that they claim that they will not survive without it.

Moral of the Story: Don’t trust Wikipedia. Also, drink water.