By: Aarya Tyagi

05/12/2782

Captain’s Tyber’s Log

We have landed on the gloomy planet of Earth. It appears destitute of all life.

Although we do know from previous visits that this planet used to be lush and highly populated, it is now an enormous ball of nothing. It’s sad to see what has become of this rocky planet.

Air quality is terrible. Almost no water. Trace amounts of microbial bacteria within the soil.

The green patch we saw from space was just an outsized nuclear waste deposit.

The crew is trying to keep their hopes up, but we are no longer considering this planet for colonization. We still have millions of worlds left on our list, however.

Although we must leave soon, I bring one object with me as a remembrance. It’s unlike anything we have seen on this planet. It is a small black piece of plastic, vaguely shaped like a “C” letter. On the right of it, there are four multicolored buttons, a number on each of them. On the left, there is a small cross, which can also be pressed on each end. Further to the left of that, there’s a little joystick with a rubber coating at the tip.

After consulting my anatomy chart of the now-extinct human, I believe that this instrument was designed for an individual to carry with their hands, and the buttons to be used with their fingers.

Could it be that these small plastic pieces were the cause of the primitive humans’ demise? Did these controller pieces have telekinetic features that the humans used to wage war against each other? No, humans were far too simple-minded to invent such a thing. Maybe this was their food. The lethal levels of toxins found in the plastic must have destroyed brain cells, which in turn caused irrational behavior that led to a great war, ending it all.

Yes, I conclude that it was these small plastic pieces that caused the extinction of the humans.