By: Alice Su

Yevgeny Chubarin was a 24-year-old stone-factory worker. When he told his mother he would be joining the Russian army, she cried and begged him not to leave. But by May 15th, he had an AK-47 and was off to war. He diedthe next day.

Stories such as his are rarely told. In fact, even the war’s death count is a secret, likely to encourage men to join the thinning army. It is considered a crime to question the invasion or the military in Russia. Independent journalists speaking out about their lost loved ones are arrested and told that showing such “tears and suffering” is inappropriate and hurts public morale. This is done to prevent outraged voices of lamenting families and anti-war activists from gaining traction.

But still, that hasn’t stopped some stories from leaking. Vladimir Krot was a Soviet-trained pilot and retired Afghan war veteran who begged to serve in Ukraine. Despite getting rejected repeatedly, he kept trying. As casualties rose, he was finally permitted. But just days later, his SU-25 jet crashed during a training flight. Krot died and left behind a wife and an 8 year old daughter.

Chubarin’s case, in particular, displays the dark reality of Russia’s military desperation. He signed a 3 month contract and was too excited to ask about his salary. Nina Chubarina wondered if he wanted to prove himself as a man or win back his ex-wife. “He knew it was dangerous,” she said in an interview.

He left on May 11, sending happy videos and messages of himself in Belgorod, southern Russia. During his four days there, he received little training, then made a rushed call home. He had been given a machine gun and was headed off to war.

“That was it. That was the last time we spoke,” she said. The military informed her that her son was found dead in Mariupol on May 16. “He was a very brave guy, was not afraid of anything. He was so cheerful and open and so kind.”

Countless brave men such as Chubarin and Krot have been slaughtered in the war, yet under the Kremlin’s orders, they remain nameless and unknown. “My soul is torn from pain,” grieved a woman named Yevgenia Yakovleva. “I don’t know how to accept this, survive and live with it.”