By Emily Gu

It’s morning right now. I go outside to fetch my owner a gift for giving me food. Yes, a dead bird. Perfect. I go back inside and drop it on my owner’s face. I’m sure he’s thankful. I proceed to sit on him and groom myself until I’m nice and clean.

I climb onto my cat tree and lay in the warm rays of the sun until my owner screams. I’m sure it’s a cry of joy for my amazing gift. I watch the squirrels and birds outside of my window when a really annoying bird starts flying in front of my face. I swat it out of the air and bite it several times, but then it keeps flying. Preposterous! What sorcery is this!

I pounce on it and bite it more until it finally stops moving. I hear a sound and look up. My owner is standing over me, holding a white stick. I meow at him to tell him to stop fooling around and he starts to pick me up. I hiss and scratch him until he finally drops me.

To flee my incredibly dense and annoying owner, I crawl under his bed and stay there for a while. He starts calling my name, but I honestly really don’t care.

I decided to come out after a while, not because my owner was looking for me, but just because it was too cramped and I was hungry. My food bowl was empty, so I started running in circles around my owner and meowing until he gave me the food. It was tuna this time. Tasted pretty good.

My owner starts to stroke me, but I don’t like it so I leave. I see a mouse hole so I stick my paw inside and wiggle it around until I touch something furry. I paw it out and bite it to make sure it’s dead.

I decided to drop it off of the balcony. Too hairy and my owner doesn’t need another. It was getting late so I went to sleep.

Yes, I have a very luxurious and interesting life. It’s uneventful though, but I don’t care much for action.