By: Gloria Gao
I need to learn to accept.
I need to accept that the same people who thought I ate dog and rice and wonton
Are now begging me to share fried rice recipes in exchange for a lollipop
I need to accept that the same people who laughed at me for watching Doraemon
Are now plastering anime stickers all over their laptops
I need to accept that the same people who pulled their eyes to call me a moron
Are now using eyeliner to look more exotically pop
I need to learn to accept.
Everywhere my feet make contact with the shaky ground,
I see a new celebrity going under the knife to seem like their favorite K-Pop idol
Their blood flowing down for the stolen trends
I hear fake Korean tour guides teaching how to say ‘Konnichiwa” in Chinese
Their syrupy voices ensnaring gullible prey
I smell the sticky-sweet scent of synthetic pseudo mochi sweets
Their cultural appeal drawing in desperate teenagers
I feel the silk of a kimono that a white woman wears at her wedding
Her excited parents showing off her outlandishly quirky fashion
I taste the saltiness of a bowl with “ramen noodles” oozing around
The deceptive flavor manufactured by the same person who boycotted Chinese restaurants because of MSG
I need to learn to accept because
All around me are two-faced demons
Reaching up to snatch my heritage
When they used to taunt me for who I am
All around me are guilty liars, faces gleaming
Trying to change their genetic parentage
When they used to make me morph into a hidden clam
All around me are people who don’t dwell on
The fact that they want to take MY culture by using their privilege
Without caring that they made ME want to shed my culture for THEM, milligram by milligram
I finally need to learn to accept.
Because one day very soon
All that’s left of my so-called “culture”
Will be lumped
And bumped
And clumped
Into a terribly wrong mix of everything that YOU picked and chose and refined.
The centuries of art and war and despair will be erased
The creativity of actual Asian artists will be all for waste
All the love and hate and good and bad and beautiful and ugly- GONE
You’ll say: Cambodia? What’s that? I only know Korea! Aneonghasayo!!
You’ll be living in a Tokyo glory without a Tokyo story
In fact, all that will remain is an Etsy listing:
“Naruto Boruto Bakugou-inspired anime lovers perfect for Jimin stans, kawaii perfect princess Hello Kitty-inspired Uncle Roger approved
Sushi earrings.”
Sold by UwuKawaiiPrincessCharms
Made by a white woman in Nebraska
This is what will represent my history.
There’s nothing left for me to do
But to
Finally, accept.
And if that doesn’t give me “emotional damage”, I don’t know what will